Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Can You Take the Strong Drink?

SO I am sitting in DD and using the free wifi. It is interesting because I have become a frequent visitor ever since I learned that they had this useful commodity. It is a smart move on their part,  because they have coerced me to buy many iced coffees and coolatas in an effort not to feel awkward for sitting there and not buying anything. This is stupid. I should not have to feel obligated to buy something just because I am there. However, it is the only place in Whorenell that has readily accessible wifi. It is also air-conditioned; a useful thing in these hot months. The bathrooms are usually neat and tidy, and have a pleasant albeit over-powering air freshner that embraces you while you sit. The soap is dispensed in a delighfully foamy manner that makes it effortless to wash soiled hands. The floor is so clean you can eat on it, although why you would want to I don't know. For your convenience, a little plastic high chair sits in the corner; stupid teens like to see if they can cram their big butts into it. They have, in recent years, increased their line of merchandise to some rather expensive but tasty morsels, such as the southwest chicken flatbread sandwich. This is all hearsay of course because I try not to spend over three dollars when I visit. When I finally settle in to peruse some sites, it is not uncommon for the system to decide that it wants to be fickle and not let me on for fifteen minutes. Then I sit and laugh when it finally does, because other patrons come in and ask if my internet is working. Stupid fools! The employees carry about their business with mindless chatter about nothing, and it is very interesting to make conjecture about their lifestyles.
Conjecture# 1 
This girl (or is it guy?) wears the typical brown shirt and tan hat of a DD employee. Because the shirt is so baggy and her hair is shaved, it is hard to determine her gender, but guessing from her slightly higher tone of voice I assume female. She usually gives me a long hard stare when I come in, and I would have to say that they probably talk about the girl that comes in every day that has no life. Does she not have a job? 

Needless to say she is probably a dike.

Today when I came in there were a couple of girls with yellow shirts with brown stripes down the side... probably trainees. Thus, not very interesting.

At this time, I would like to say that I am not in the mood for more imaginative mind games, but I will tell you one disturbing and slightly disconcerting incident.

I was going about my usual business of getting on the internet, waiting, refreshing, waiting, refreshing. When all of the sudden I saw it. It was so disproportionate and ungainly that I could not help but stare.... Why? It was obstructing my view of coffee, food, employees... everything! Did they not train the new girls right? It was so annoying that I just sat there staring at it. Psssssh... it was, at best, hazardous. The tv mumbled on. But I did not here it.  Goose bumps ran down my spine; the cause I do not know (probably the ac, ha!). Ah, that wicked thing, trying to make me leave. I will not leave now, chillmaster! It never did like me, as many don't at first. But it will grow on me like moss.. or the taste of bitter coffee to a young teenager trying desperately to be an adult. Its a curious thing really. Many people cannot see past their first impression. They do not like to try new things! Who ever heard of a coffee combo? Let's go to Mcdonalds across the street - they are the ones that sell the meals. Get the coffee at the coffee shop and the burger at the burger joint! Wait... did I ever tell you about the sugar packetts or the brown-coloured napkins? What about the straws? 

The chillmaster is getting the best of me! Why!? 
I can't do anything right!
I can't be the real thing anymore!
Why can't they accept me?!
Am I to strong for them?
My fingers are growing sluggish with chilled blood!
A slow death of my typing ways...

It's sad really.


Melissa said...

You are tooooo funny

DD rocks. they really really do.

Amanda @ notsoextraordinary said...

oh MY gosh, i'll have to come up with an appropriate response via a "counter-blog"

i am dying