Conditional Friends

Intro To Second Blog: I couldn't think of anything to write about specifically, but I have a feeling that it may be about my conditional friend. If that topic doesn't work out, I may continue randomly or just end it abruptly.
Because my last blog received such an overwhelming response (and by overwhelming I mean that Amanda and my conditional friend Melissa commented repeatedly on my one and only blog) , I feel the need to continue the trend (at least one more time).
Being the college student that I am, I think it is time that we define some terms.

Conditional - Often called the "real" conditional because it is used for real - or possible - situations. These situations take place if a certain condition is met.
In the conditional, we often use unless which means 'if ... not'. (Internet based, some obscure site that may not know what they are talking about)

For example:
(If) IF Melissa does not come to group again, (not)she will be exiled.

However, this definition has a long detailed story of sacrifice, bravery, and heroic adventure. Here's how it happened:

Amanda and I had decided to go to Micheals to check out the picture frames that were on-sale. Turns out they were five dollars, so I went above and beyond the call of duty and called my mother to see if she would like one also. She did. Cart full, we were talking and making our way to the check out when suddenly I look past Amanda to see a frightening sight: Melissa standing in a conjoining aisle, eyes wide, index finger over her mouth. My initial thought was to ruin the surprise and alert Amanda to the possible danger. Instead, the demon on my right shoulder says that this is a potential situation for snickering and joyful glee, if played out right. Unbeknownst to either Melissa or I, Amanda has uncanny perception and sensed the imposing danger. Without batting an eye, she turned around and greeted her so-called friend. At this time, it became to clear to me that Melissa not only had malicious intent in attempting to scare amanda (thus making her wet herself) but that she needed to be threatened into submisson. Enter yours truly. Although initially I had played into her hand, I was not an innocent; I would not be fooled. "Come to group, or we are NOT friends!" Through careful conniving, I had managed to procure the accompaniment of the one and only Melissa, thereby maintaining that my watchful eye would never stray from her deceitful and trickerous path. By agreeing to these terms, Melissa unknowingly signed a contract of "conditional friendship" that IF she failed to subdue her wicked and dangerous tendencies, she would NOT be allowed to associate with either parties. Amanda was saved! At this time, I would like to say that they lived happily ever after but due to the nature of the contract.... we will never know.