Monday, May 26, 2008

In Bed With Amanda


Three D's and a C... Ok that is a topic that DOESN'T need discussing. Don't ask, but if you HAVE to know use your imagination.

Interviewer: So how long have the two of you been sleeping together?
(AL) I have been sleeping with Amanda on various occasions for the past four years, and it always proves interesting.

(AM) Well let's see, it all started in the halls of Elim where sleeping together was in fact prohibited, but we managed to sneek in a few nights together.

Interviewer: wow, sounds scandalous... How did your RA's react to this?

(AL) Elim days were only the start of this tawdry affair, but they never caught on!

(AM) This is a family blog so we will just discuss the logistics of having to sleep with another person.

Interviewer: So, does it take a while to get used to sleeping together?

(AM) I have always been a snuggler, but it depends on the person and what they are comfortable with.

(AL) I would say yes, just because generally I have to get used to sleeping in a different bed much less a different person.

(AM) Long about the time Al got used to sleeping with me, I reverted back to preferring to sleep alone, mostly because I got so sick of trying not to touch her it became more work than it was worth.

(AL) Which brings me to another point, I cannot fall asleep if someone is touching me. Anywhere.  I have to have complete solitude or I will not sleep well.

Interviewer: Well that concludes this interview and the history of your life in bed. To be continiued..... 

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

This Day

This day, I wanted to run out of the room; but afraid of looking and feeling like a freak, I stayed.

The poetry syllabus for the last half of the semester was a compilation of student selected literary works.

The poem is read by the student, and then dissected piece by piece into manageable sections by content, literary devices, and context – not necessarily in that order.

My experience as a reader has taught me that poems have the ability to inspire and resonate within a person, strangely like lyrics to a song or a sad movie.

 

As I sat there, I became ever so increasingly agitated. My hands were shaking, and I my face was igniting from my throat up. He just kept talking, talking on and on in that peculiar, odd way of his that classmates snickered at. His thorough analyzing of the metaphors is what got me. Finally, he finished. The last section of the poem is positive he says. He references the sun shining and the new grass.

 

Does anyone else have anything to add? Loud spoken girl that has answered every question all semester, never having an accurate interpretation: “It could be construed as imagery alluding to birth and the birthing process.” She proceeds to ramble like an idiot, sucking up to the professor for a grade.

 

I had had enough.

“No, it’s not. It is not positive, and it is not talking about birth.”

Everyone is taken aback at my blunt statement of contradiction.

“My brother drowned in a ravine two years ago, and when the author is talking about the sun shining and the grass growing, it is because it indicates that time moves just as nature and the seasons. The dream sails in the next stanza represent all the dreams that a mother has for her children, of succeeding, living life to the full, and having enjoyment in her children’s children; they all collapsed at that moment. In no way is this positive.” I did not bother to addresses the others ridiculous statements.

 

The professor tried to salvage the moment by saying that birth and death are cyclical and some other babble that was lost on me.

 

 

 

 

DEATH OF A YOUNG SON BY DROWNING

 

He, who navigated with success

the dangerous river of his own birth

once more set forth

 

on a voyage of discovery

into the land I floated on

but could not touch to claim.

 

His feet slid on the bank,

the currents took him;

he swirled with ice and trees in the swollen water

 

and plunged into distant regions,

his head a bathysphere;

through his eyes' thin glass bubbles

 

he looked out, reckless adventurer

on a landscape stranger than Uranus

we have all been to and some remember.

 

There was an accident; the air locked,

he was hung in the river like a heart.

They retrieved the swamped body,

 

cairn of my plans and future charts,

with poles and hooks

from among the nudging logs.

 

It was spring, the sun kept shining, the new grass

leapt to solidity;

my hands glistened with details.

 

After the long trip I was tired of waves.

My foot hit rock. The dreamed sails

collapsed, ragged.

 

                 I planted him in this country

                 like a flag.

 By Margaret Atwood

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

                                          WAZ UP GUYS?


So, as I was on the phone with Amanda tonight, I was looking at pictures in this program that I have not used in a while. It amuses me how many ridiculous pictures that I have, and most of them need to be deleted. Out of the archives, I rescued this ancient relic. This picture corresponds with our conversation and the previous post.  Its the go get em attitude that is lacking for girls that are at the end of the line (old maids). Why is it that their are so many sweet, loveable, but more importantly available girls are not being snatched up by the swooning knight in shining armor? Obviously in my case it's not for lack of attitude. The face don't lie.  In order to help such unfortunate girls - - Amanda and myself - - I researched how to avoid such a sad plight. Here are some tips that will hopefully aid the search for a mate and life-long happiness:

  1. Find someone you like. Make contact. Start a conversation.
  2. Talk about yourself, and encourage them to talk about themselves.
  3. When they say something impressive, begin expressing romantic interest.
  4. On a date don't act like you are in kindergarten. Make eye contact and compliment him or her. Be nice. Act like the world was made for you two.
  5. Be friendly! If you're mean, they will lose interest in you.
  6. Give the person some space - nobody likes a stalker --cough cough
  7. When starting a conversation, have something in mind that you want to talk about - ice breakers like "Hey what's up?" or "What are you drinking" are big losers. 
  8. Don't swear, pick your nose, spit, or engage in other obnoxious behaviors. Crude behavior may eventually be tolerated by your date, but it will never be appreciated.
  9.  You may wish to ask a friend to help out if you are a nervous.
  10. Repeat steps 1-9 with the next person!                                                          

Things You'll Need

Ice breakers or mints (garlic breath can be noxious)

Money (optional, that's what's great about bein a girl!)

proper clothes 




     Me after the depressing news of being single for the rest of my life.... 
                                                   amanda has ingenius ideas: this is one of them.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

It is late at night.
And I have already slept.
One word comes to mind... 
A very annoying word.
One that can be used in a variety of ways,
But does not actually mean ANYTHING.
Literally.
I looked it up.
But wait!
Dictionary.com has failed me.
A translation has been found.
This is extremely exciting.

It means:
Mediocre
Lackluster
Unexceptional
Indifferent
Uninspiring
Unenthusiastic 
Apathetic. 

The word?
MEH.
Perhaps what is most interesting, 
Is not what it means but how it is said.

Example:
"What do you want to do this weekend?"  - Meh. I don't really care."

Or
"Did you hear about the chinchilla at small group tonight?" - "Meh. who didn't..."

Or (my personal favorite)
"Hey, wanna go pwn some noobs?" - "Meh."

Conclusion:
Use appropriately 
Avoid over-usage (yeah, you know who you are!)
Find the most interesting way to sneakily insert your verbage!


Caution: some of these words were stolen from another site, read with care.



Saturday, March 29, 2008

Late Night Babysitting

wHaT iS gOiNg On?!?


Mode of Transportation: New Honda Civic
Economic Bio of Country Dwellers: Upper Middle Class
Status of Children: Smart and Reading (5 yrs old) Losing teeth (7 yrs old) and ALL-night whiner (3 yrs old)
Surround Sound Speakers: LAME
Organic Wegmans Pantry Raid:
   Peanuts
   Pear
   String Cheese!
   Dried: PEAS
   Hot cocoa - Tsp. cocoa and sugar - puke
Apple: um... no we didn't eat apples.. My AMAZING wifi connection : )  - thus, this blog.
Furniture:
   1st Hour: Decent
   2nd Hour: Uncomfortable
   "Hello Children"
   3rd Hour: Squirming repeatedly
   4rth Hour: Back Breaking

Movie: Starring Micheal W. Smith (actor? who knew?) 

Made Me CRY, well not really cuz then I woulda been embarrassed that tears were streaming down my face and Amanda woulda felt awkward and tried to discreetly glance over out of the corner of her eye and felt all uncomfortable (and i'm not talking about the couch here) then... who KNOWS what would happen?!

Prediction For Concluding Events:
Finish movie
Try to be comfortable on evil couches
Amuse each other with a) conversation b)poking each other or c) more uncomfortable shifting
Wait for talk-a-tive parents
Talk to aforementioned persons
... and listen 
...and listen
...and listen
to the late night owls

THE END







Thursday, January 31, 2008

All About Melissa

This Blog is specifically for Melissa telling her what an awesome person she is, how she is such a good friend, and exactly how much she means to me as a person. AND as a footnote, to ask her in a subtle way why she does not have me on her "my friends blogs" list. (I believe in the three point thesis)

1.) Melissa is a very awesome person, she does a lot of cool stuff. Works at a pretty nice job, tells rather humorous anecdotes, and is quite attractive (or at least Jim thinks so - I prefer men). Not only that but she also provides me with a decent amount of interesting things to talk about on my blog.

2.) Melissa is a friend. (I guess that's all I have to say about that)

3.) As a person, she means a lot.

Ok, now for the footnote which may not turn out to be all that subtle.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ME LISTED ON YOUR "MY FRIENDS BLOGS" LIST ?!!!

This has given me cause for much thought and concern as to her intentions for not allowing me to be on such an exclusive list. Does she think that I have so much time as to personally alert her via text every time that I blog? Or maybe she is WORSE than me in blogging and therefore is not aware as to anyone else's activity, or MAYBE she is embarrassed as to the nature of our conditonal friendship and does not wish for it to be made public.... Whatever the case may be, this is my personal petition (albeit a short one) that I, without too much conjecture, may be added to the list and carry out my intended place as co-blogger.